ONE WEEK
It's been a week since I decided to cut communication. A week that I didn't cave, didn't chase, didn't strategize. I just let it be.
My relationship. It was physically, verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive. After 5 years, it had come to the point where there were no longer even apologies after the abuse. It was now just abuse, and sneering about the abuse. That's when I knew that I had to do SOMETHING. The strongest move I could make at the moment was to stop talking to him. He won with words. His words had bled me. He could be miles away, and I would be debilitated by a condescending tone, a foul name, an impending punishment, over the phone. So I protected myself from what we both knew hurt me the most.
Yes, it hurt. It hurts. To not talk to him or hear from him. In my own low state, it was sad to realize that I almost preferred hearing his voice, even if it was only to accuse or rage at me, than to not hear from him at all. Deep down, I knew better. It was better to hurt because I'd chosen to walk away from someone who'd grossly mistreated me, than to hurt from staying with him.
This is my journey, one week in. And it will not be perfect. But as the thoughts and feelings, successes and failures, changes and growth come, I'll share them here. My ultimate goal in it all? HEALING.
My story will come out over time. By sharing it, I hope to deter others from making the same mistake I made. I hope to show you the signs, so you know what to avoid. I hope to encourage you if you're already in it, and suffering. I hope to hold hands with you if you are coming out of it. We've been abused, and deeply wounded. We feel altered, diminished. I don't have all the answers, but I do have hope. I want to share that with you.
Thanks for being with me on this journey. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of yours. I wish you Healing!
My relationship. It was physically, verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive. After 5 years, it had come to the point where there were no longer even apologies after the abuse. It was now just abuse, and sneering about the abuse. That's when I knew that I had to do SOMETHING. The strongest move I could make at the moment was to stop talking to him. He won with words. His words had bled me. He could be miles away, and I would be debilitated by a condescending tone, a foul name, an impending punishment, over the phone. So I protected myself from what we both knew hurt me the most.
Yes, it hurt. It hurts. To not talk to him or hear from him. In my own low state, it was sad to realize that I almost preferred hearing his voice, even if it was only to accuse or rage at me, than to not hear from him at all. Deep down, I knew better. It was better to hurt because I'd chosen to walk away from someone who'd grossly mistreated me, than to hurt from staying with him.
This is my journey, one week in. And it will not be perfect. But as the thoughts and feelings, successes and failures, changes and growth come, I'll share them here. My ultimate goal in it all? HEALING.
My story will come out over time. By sharing it, I hope to deter others from making the same mistake I made. I hope to show you the signs, so you know what to avoid. I hope to encourage you if you're already in it, and suffering. I hope to hold hands with you if you are coming out of it. We've been abused, and deeply wounded. We feel altered, diminished. I don't have all the answers, but I do have hope. I want to share that with you.
Thanks for being with me on this journey. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of yours. I wish you Healing!
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